A quote on Gossip...

MISERY

Ever wonder what it is like to be so immobilized that you could not move or dare not move. What in your life is imprisoning you - or do you even feel this way at all.

Some of my friends are imprisoned by their weight, others by their bad marriages to terrible people, others to the demons in their mind and old decisions, and yet even others that are imprisoned by their guilt of having a good life. And, then those who seem like they are looking for any reason to imprisoned by misery. I have this friend - she has a good life, great husband but she is miserable in her work, yet she stays because she wants that retirement bonus (she is barely 50). She spends hours and hours worrying if her stocks and investments are going to make it and she is a prisoner of her own fear. And this fear was around well before the financial crisis - she must be really freaked out at the moment. Is it the human condition to find something to be afraid of, something that makes our life miserable.

God does not put in front of you what you cannot deal with at the moment.

The Tibetan Heart Sutra - translation

This chant is one of the most beautiful to listen to. It is said, that when one hears the Heart Sutra that their heart opens up. If you have an opportunity to listen to it in its original language, chanted in that wonderful way that the tibetan monks do. Well it is amazing.



"When the Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara."

"Was Coursing in the Deep Prajna Paramita."

"He Perceived That All Five Skandhas Are Empty."

"Thus He Overcame All Ills and Suffering."

"Oh, Sariputra, Form Does not Differ From the Void,
And the Void Does Not Differ From Form.
Form is Void and Void is Form;
The Same is True For Feelings,
Perceptions, Volitions and Consciousness."

"Sariputra, the Characteristics of the
Voidness of All Dharmas
Are Non-Arising, Non-Ceasing, Non-Defiled,
Non-Pure, Non-Increasing, Non-Decreasing."

"Therefore, in the Void There Are No Forms,
No Feelings, Perceptions, Volitions or Consciousness."

"No Eye, Ear, Nose, Tongue, Body or Mind;
No Form, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch or Mind Object;
No Realm of the Eye,
Until We Come to No realm of Consciousness."

"No ignorance and Also No Ending of Ignorance,
Until We Come to No Old Age and Death and
No Ending of Old Age and Death."

"Also, There is No Truth of Suffering,
Of the Cause of Suffering,
Of the Cessation of Suffering, Nor of the Path."

"There is No Wisdom, and There is No Attainment Whatsoever."

"Because There is Nothing to Be Attained,
The Bodhisattva Relying On Prajna Paramita Has
No Obstruction in His Mind."

"Because There is No Obstruction, He Has no Fear,"

"And He passes Far Beyond Confused Imagination."

"And Reaches Ultimate Nirvana."

"The Buddhas of the Past, Present and Future,
By Relying on Prajna Paramita
Have Attained Supreme Enlightenment."

"Therefore, the Prajna Paramita is the Great Magic Spell,
The Spell of Illumination, the Supreme Spell,
Which Can Truly Protect One From All Suffering Without Fail."

"Therefore He Uttered the Spell of Prajnaparmita,
Saying Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha."

Breast Surgery Hurts then it Sucks...then the AH HA

Okay so it has been a while since I have had the opportunity to write. The past month and a half, well almost two months now have been a bit distracting. In December, a few days after Christmas, I found out I had cancer in my breast. An early cancer - but the big "C" word none-the-less.

I was completely freaked out before I received the diagnosis, but so relieved when she finally told me. I suppose the anticipation was worse for me. I am an extremely pragmatic person when it comes time to step up. So I figured out what I had to do, fought with my insurance company and finally got the surgeon I wanted. Made arrangements for help with my little girl so that she was happy someplace other than home for about 4 days. Remained positive, reassured my friends (some of which thought I was in denial because I chose to remain positive), investigated what would happen if it were worse than originally anticipated, and so on.

So fast forward to now - a few weeks after my surgery. And now I am affected. I discovered about 10 days after surgery when the steristrip fell off that I have a huge 4 inch gash on my breast. Also that my breast is significantly smaller than the other - no really trust me. My right breast is what it was like before I gave birth to my daughter and gained weight.

I know, I know I am the luckiest girl in the world. The cancer was not worse, it was found early because of the mammogram and I am diligent about getting mammograms. I have my life and I have medical insurance. I know, I know and I AM really grateful...but my sense of self is shaken.

I have this huge wound that is healing on my heart chakra. And I am taking a look at it on the metaphysical level. I HAVE A HUGE WOUND HEALING ON MY HEART CHAKRA. Maybe it is time that I heal and face those things that I have allowed to hurt my heart. I think so...

A Day of Thanks...

Today is a day to reflect on all that I am grateful for and I would like to share it.

I am grateful for my daughter. I just didn't know that I had such a capacity for love and that anyone would ever so deeply and unconditionally love me back. She is light, love, laughter and joy all wrapped up in a whirling, spinning, giggling, singing bundle of girlie-ness. I am so incredibly blessed - I thank GOD every day...every single day.

I am grateful that I can work from my home.

I am grateful for my family - My parents whom I adore. My brother and sister and their spouses. My precious nieces and nephews who are all my children as well. My in-laws. My cousins. I am truly blessed. They love me no matter what, they have an unending generosity of spirit.

I am grateful for my beautiful home in my beautiful city. I live in San Francisco! - not many people get to say that. My home is my sanctuary, my place of balance, of renewal and of safety.

My tribe - my incredible tribe that has been with me for many many years - you know who you are. You are the family I chose.

My friends, what on earth would I do without you.

For dancing - it makes me feel alive.

For the creative work that I do - it stops time and space.

For my spirituality - it gives me hope when I have none. It reminds me of the impermanence of things. It reminds me that all situations are an illusion. It reminds me that shit happens to everyone - but it is what I DO WITH IT, that matters most. It reminds me that the journey is the adventure not the destination. It reminds me that the wisdom and answer to all of my questions lie within. It reminds me that a compassionate heart gives light to the world.

I am grateful that I can have a bit of a break from working and my husband will help me. I tell him often - I hope he know and can hear it.

Funny enough, I am grateful for my stuggles - because they are helping me be a stronger and hopefully wiser woman.

Happy Thanksgiving and many many blessings to you all.

Di

GOSSIP...

I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to broach the subject but it has been on my mind this week.

I learned at a very early age that if you say something about someone; you should, if confronted, be able to say whatever it was you were saying to the person you were gossiping about. Tough lesson at 17 but I fessed up, told the truth, apologized and walked through the fire.

Unfortunately, gossip is an addictive mistress. Once you get started it is hard to stop. Doesn't matter if you are 15 or 48, or 79. Doesn't matter if you have vowed to yourself to stop the gossip. Sigh, I try so hard.

This week several friends were gossiping about two of my other dear dear friends. I was drinking a beer and just sat there with a stomach ache and an overwhelming need to stop it. It seems that friend 1 was complaining about friend 2 for being inappropriate. All I could think of was - we are all inappropriate at one time or another including friend 1. But my two beer buddies were really carrying on. So finally I had to say it - that I was disturbed by what I was hearing. I stated that friend 1 and 2 were dear friends to each other and that they should be talking to each other instead of friend 1 gossiping to my beer friends. Oh what tangled web we weave... none-the-less beer friends were using it as fuel to put down friend 2. Not good. So the only foolish blather that came out of my mouth was some sort of incoherent comment about if friend 1 gossiped so about friend 2 - what must people say about me. I too have been in appropriate as has friend 1. We have all been inappropriate.

None-the-less one of the beer friends went on about how they expect people to talk about them and they don't care. Pretty much ignored my comment and continued.

Sigh...

Do you care if you are gossip fodder, or would you rather someone tell you the truth about something you are doing?

Frankly I would prefer to be confronted with something I am doing wrong then to have people gossip behind my back. Gossip sucks positive energy, kills friendships, and will leave you lonely.

If you gossip - Stop, if you can't stop then at least have the decency to confide in someone who will keep your words in confidence.

I don't want to hear crap about my friends - they are my friends! I know they aren't perfect-neither am I. I know they sometimes make really stupid decisions - so do I. I know they are sometimes inappropriate - so am I.

Enough said - PEACE!!

WOW, What a week...

This week we elected Barak Obama as our 44th President. And in an instant - the energy around the world changed. People around the world breathed a collective sigh of relief.

People of color (and I include myself being hispanic) there are no more excuses. We need to take our overwhelming sense of pride and do something constructive with it. At this moment every individual can change their world and maybe the entire world. What are you going to do with your opportunity? Are you going to wait for our new President to try and do it alone. Or, are we going to also make a difference.

Then, in what seems like another reality. Our gay brothers and sisters have found themselves is an awful situation. Their right to marry whom they want has been ripped from them. I am so angry, and I have to funnel that into being proactive. Religious groups and churches have poured millions and millions of dollars into California; the same churches fed fear into their parishioners; polarizing and not true statements were made in campaign ads. Honestly, I am of the belief that if you preach politics from the pulpit then you should lose your non-profit status. I believe we all support the separation of church and state....right?

Good night dear readers. Tomorrow I take my dear daughter and niece to the opera - this should be fun. Have a great weekend.