Okay so a week ago I posted that I was not happy - but the fact of the matter is that I am. I just don't like certain situations in my life. I do not like that since my diagnosis my husband has kept an arms length away from me - that sucks. I do not like that I have not been out - I am a creature of the night and I have NOT BEEN OUT TO HAVE FUN. I do not like that I feel like a domestic instead of a professional - must start working again need projects to make me feel whole. I do not like the feeling that a fat girl ate me, and I do not know how to get out.
My lies are not about being happy, but that I don't like situations that I cannot control. And frankly I don't want to talk about the things I cannot control - because my dear ones TALK IS CHEAP. Complaining about my husband won't change him, talking about not working won't make me have more energy, talking about being overweight will definitely not make my clothes fit better - the stress that comes with these things will not go away if I just talk about them...action will.
Last night I went out and I had such a great time. It reminded me that I am a happy person inside and out, and that depriving myself of a very active social life is like suicide. So last night I vowed to organize a monthly outing, that includes dancing. NOW THAT IS ACTION!
And, while I can't do anything about about my husband, the world financial crisis, ignorant people, etc. I will continue to exercise, skip the dairy and avoid the sugar and white processed stuff - and that will make me feel good and therefore remind me of who I am. And, the closer I get to reclaiming myself from the fat girl that swallowed me, the closer I am to fine.
So dear readers, I am not miserable - although sometimes it feels that way - get me during PMS, and while my 8 year old wants to assert her will, and when my husband is cranky - THEN I AM MISERABLE. But mostly I am a pretty positive happy person. And, while it is not the life I was hoping for, it is pretty damn great.
By the way, ya wanna go dancing?
*************************************************************
Please enjoy this incredible Ann Demeulemeester corset that I MUST OWN, if I do not own it I will do my best to copy it. MINE, YOU WILL BE MINE, MINE, MINE!!
No comments:
Post a Comment